This summer we have watched in morbid curiosity as Amy Winehouse searches for houses to be close to her imprisoned husband, despite her family’s fears for her life, and Cheryl Cole take back Ashley amidst allegations of serial adultery throughout their married life.
With talented celebrities and some of the richest and most beautiful people unable to break the intoxicating spell of ex-partners, it is hardly surprising that DearCupid.org, the world’s largest online agony aunt, has received over 5,600 questions from us mere civilians struggling to get over a serial heartbreaker.
Site owner of DearCupid, Andrew, claims that Amy and Cheryl’s return to their bad-for-them ex’s should not be seen as especially significant:
“It’s just a reflection of how people behave. Lots of folks can’t move on because they think it’s easier to go back than forwards. They’re scared, lonely and probably lack self esteem.”
However, whether it’s because of insecurities, fear of change or an addiction to the familiarly addictive rollercoaster of emotions endured as the result of partially unrequited love, we’ve all been there. Facebook stalking, Mariah Carey’s ‘We Belong Together’ on repeat and a resounding bitterness for public displays of affection. It’s a pretty bad place to be.
And yet you can guarantee that the minute you stop checking your phone every ten minutes, stop boring everyone around you with anecdotes of happier times together and start to realise that you are going to be fine without him/her; they’ll contact you.
It’s as if they’re sat in a control room watching over you and your emotions and when they sense you’re feeling okay, alarm bells ring and they know it’s time to call to tell you that they have changed and are a new and improved version of their previous self.
Should you believe them and allow them to come back into the heart they were so relentless with? Andrew from DearCupid thinks not:
“It’s normal to want to get an ex back. But it doesn’t mean you should try. Change your life and move on. Don’t fuck them, text them or keep them as a friend on Facebook. In that order. People never change and going back never works.”
As easy as Andrew makes it sound, there are still people everywhere who just can’t seem to break the cycle of returning to an inconsiderate ex. The more people around them criticise, the more desperate they become to prove everyone else wrong….usually to their own detriment.
And even if they do break the spell of this relationship, it is all too easy to fall straight into the heartbreak of another similar situation. However, Andrew feels there is an easy solution to avoid making the same mistakes with a new love:
“Stop having relationships that are the main focus of your life. Your life should be made up of friends, jobs, family, hobbies, healthy activities and a partner should fall into that. If you focus on your partner, when they’re gone it is like a gaping hole has opened.”